Shut Up and Listen- Meaningful Silence is Better Than Meaningless Words!

 

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” —Bernard M. Baruch

 

Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him asked, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied, “Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?” asked his acquaintance.

Is it true?

“That’s right,” Socrates continued, “Before you talk to me about Diogenes let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are  about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man said, “actually I just heard about it.”

 

Is it good?

 

“All right,” said Socrates, “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “You want to tell me something about Diogenes  that may be bad, even though you’re not certain it’s true?” The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.

Is it useful?

Socrates continued, “You may still pass the test though, because there  is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me  about Diogenes going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “If what you want to tell me is neither  True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?”

 

This story underscores the importance of being careful with your speech.

 

What image conjures up in your mind when you think about a good communicator?

 

Without exception most of us think about a person who can talk with eloquence, cracks load of jokes, keeps people engaged with his unending stories!

Nothing could be further from the truth, most of the charismatic leaders in the world history were introverts. They spoke less and listened more.

 

We have been made to believe that to be a good communicator we need to speak incessantly. However, to be a good, effective communicator we need to learn to keep quiet and listen.

 

Our perception about communication is misplaced. Most of the great communicators, negotiators are frugal with their words. They speak less and listen more.

 

Most of the people appreciate the power of speaking, however there are very few people who understand the power of silence/listening. As a result, we see people talking unnecessarily the whole day.

 

Major obstacle in any relationship is that we want to dominate talking, be it with our spouse or children or colleagues. We want them to listen to our point of view, we keep giving them directives, sermons etc., but we do not have time to listen to their thoughts.

 

Why Do We Talk?

 

The faculty of talking has been given to us by God to communicate with each other. However, we have misused this faculty. Most of the time we are just talking not communicating.

 

Let us see why do we talk?

 

We Feel It Makes Us Good Communicator

 

The communication or speaking ability of all the famous leaders or successful people of the world has been amplified. And who does not want emulate the characteristics of these super successful people.

If you closely follow the life of these successful you would realise that they speak less and listen more. But we feel that if we speak more it will make us good communicator.

 

Lack of Self Control

A few years back I went for a meditation retreat called Vipassana. It is a 10 days retreat where one has to observe complete silence during the course of the retreat.

 

On the last day of the retreat one is allowed to speak. You should see the way people speak to each other as it is like water gushes out after breaching a dam. They can not stop talking. 

 

Most of us speak driven out of our habits and lack of control over ourselves.

 

We know that we should be listening more than we speak, however our lack of self-control does not allow us to do so. From the childhood itself we have been conditioned to speak.

 

Makes us Feel More Knowledgeable

 

We perceive that more we speak; more knowledgeable we will come across.

 

However, the opposite is true. The more we speak more we expose ourselves; we blabber unnecessary things.

 

We Fear Silence

 

There are many of us, who are uncomfortable with silence. The silence haunts them, so they resort to unwarranted speaking. Most of the time the talk does not have any substance in it.

 

We Feel We Will Be Considered Boring

 

When we are in a gathering, we try to impresses others, especially if we are meeting for the first time. And we have been conditioned to think that if we speak less, we shall be considered boring. That thought drives us to speak unnecessarily and actually makes us a boring person to be with.

 

Strategies to Shut Up and Listen

 

W.A.I.T- Why Am I Talking

I read a book where the author shared a very powerful strategy to minimize your talking. The author suggested, whenever you have an urge to speak, ask yourself WAIT- Why Am I Talking.

 

Ask this question to yourself, the next time you want to talk to someone. Is it necessary for you to talk to the person? Why do you want to talk?

 

When you ask this question to yourself, before you initiate a conversation, you would realise that most of the time you do not have anything worthwhile to speak and would desist from speaking.

 

Use Triple Filter Test

 

As described in the aforementioned story of Socrates, before you speak you must pass it through the triple filter test as expounded by the Socrates. Ask yourself:

-          Is it true?

-          Is it good for the listener or you?

-          Is it going to be useful to him or you?

 If the answer is yes then go ahead and speak otherwise maintain silence.

 

80-20 Principle

 

Most of us are familiar with Pareto or 80-20 principle. This is very popular and used extensively in corporate world.

 

The same principle can be applied while we have conversation with others. Our endeavor should be to listen 80% of the time and speak only for 20% of the time.

 

There is another form of talking that we indulge in throughout the day without being aware of it. This is the conversation we have with ourselves. 

When was the last time when you stopped to listen to your thoughts, without adding anything from your side.

 

To be able to take charge of our lives we must shut up and listen.

A meaningful Silence Is Always Better Than Meaningless Words.