Strategies to Move From Anger to Peace!

 

 A Zen disciple approached his teacher. “Master, I have an uncontrollable temper. Can you help me overcome it?”

“That’s strange. Can you show it to me?” asked the master.

“Not right now.”

“Why not?”

“It occurs suddenly.”

“Then it can’t be a part of your true nature,” said the master. “If that were the case, you wouldn’t have any difficulty in showing it! Why do you allow something that isn’t yours to worry you?”

Thereafter, the master’s words would come back to the student whenever his temper rose. Soon, he learned to check his anger and developed a placid temperament.

To control my anger, I used to cut my hands. My parents found out this. Now, I put my hands in hot water or bath with hot water, when I want to control my anger. Is this a normal behaviour?

I received this question a few days back on my Quora inbox.

This question took me down the memory lane. It was reminiscent of my school/college days, when I was notorious for my short temper.

Though I was very skinny, but would pick up fight with everyone at the slightest provocation. At home also I would lose my shirt every now and then.

Whenever the anger grew intense, which would be quite often, I would punch walls and my knuckles would start bleeding.

Then I realised I must change it, because venting my anger out on walls etc did not really help me. Rather than venting out destructively I needed to learn how to control my anger.

I followed a few strategies to control my anger, which transformed me from a “hot headed” guy to a “calm person. I am now known for my patience and calmness.

It did not come very easy, I had to work really very hard to reach this level. Even now I work on myself every day, lest my old habits once again take over.

I am sharing my strategies which worked for me:

 

Chose To Became A Peaceful Person

First thing I did was that I deliberately chose to become a peaceful person. Once the anger subsided, I felt very bad about myself. I would feel I had no control over myself. I realized the ill effects of anger on me, my relationship with others.

I kept reminding myself very often that I desperately want to shun anger and adopt peace.

 

Counting Till 10

I practiced an old tried and tested method of controlling anger. Whenever I felt angry, I would start counting from 1 to 10 slowly. If, even after counting 1–10 my anger did not subside, I would again count 1–10. And most of the times this would reduce the intensity of my anger.

Later on I realized that reverse counting from 10-1 was more beneficial as I would be more engaged in the activity, rather than counting 1-10 which was more effortless and automatic.

I Am Strong

During my quest to get rid of my anger, I read somewhere that “People who are weak do not have control over their anger”.

The saw the real proof of this statement on our streets. One of our neighbours had a huge German Sheperd dog. He would take that dog for a walk in the evening. While the dog was walking around, the street dogs would start barking at him. He would just nonchalantly took at them and carry on with his routine.

It made me realise that the person who is weak uses anger as a weapon when he is not able to defend himself by other means.   

I told myself I am not a weak person. Thereafter, whenever I felt anger arising in me, I would remind myself,” I am a strong person.” This affirmation or assertion would make my anger vanish.

Meditation

Meditation was one thing which made a world of difference in controlling my anger. Besides doing mediation 15–20 mins in the evening, I would focus on my breathing during the day. This helped me to control my emotions effectively.

Controlling Breathing and Physiological Changes

I realised that whenever I was angry two things would happen-

 1) my body will get tensed

2) my breathing will become faster.

I learnt relaxation techniques. Now as soon as my body would get tensed due to anger, I would relax my body. Once the body was relaxed I would quieten my breathing also.

Move Away From The Secene

Once my boss said something to me, which triggered intense anger in me. I could feel ants crawling all over my body. I knew if I spent even a single second more in that room, things would turn very very ugly.

I told my boss,” Can I take 10 mins break and then continue the discussion.” He also realised what the situation was and agreed to take a break.

I took a bottle of water and stormed out of my office. I drank water, walked for 10 mins and came back to office to resume the meeting. And we carried on with our discussion as if nothing had happened ever.

There were times when the anger was so intense that none of the above strategies worked for me.

That time I would remove myself form the scene of the incident and come back after a while.

You may go for a brisk walk, run or listen to music, engage in some activity which takes your mind off the incident which induced anger in you.

 

As narrated in the Zen story in the beginning, anger is not our true nature. Love, compassion is our true nature.

Embrace your true nature and cast off which does not belong to you.