Which One Do You Prefer Pain of Effort or Shame of Inaction?

My elder one came back from school dejected last week. Today was the day when her result for the 9^th standard would be out. The moment she came home, she broke the news to us that her results were not as per her expectations.

Off-course this point of expectation is a bit debatable. There is a big difference between what you expect and what you deserve. You may expect the best of everything in life for yourself but you only deserve what you work for.

In this case, my daughter might have expected to score 100% but did she deserve it? She would score the marks depending on the hard work she had put in.

We talked over the result and advised her to move on. But I was not satisfied with our conversation and was looking for an appropriate opportunity to have a more thoughtful discussion with her. I didn't want this to be a sermon so I waited for a few days.

After a few days, an old incident came to my mind. This was the kind of incident I was looking for to restart our conversation. My main aim of the conversation was to drive home the importance of hard work and I approached her:

“Khushi, what was the score of your semi-final soccer match you played a few months back?” I asked her, though I knew the score.

“It was 17-0 and my other classmates still tease us for our humiliating defeat” she replied to me with embarrassment in her eyes and an uneasy smile on her face.

“When did you play that match?” I inquired.

“I guess six months back” she replied

“And you had told me that your team didn’t practice well for the tournament. Is that right?”

“Yeah” Came the reply with pain and disgust in her voice.

This was the time for me to strike the hammer on the hot iron.  I explained to her:

“ You played and lost the match very badly six months back and you still feel the embarrassment of losing the match with such a huge margin. The main reason you lost was that your team did not practice adequately. And if you gals would have practiced more, maybe you could have won or at least would have reduced the margin of your defeat. If I ask you about the result of the match six months down the line you’ll still feel embarrassed.

If you had practiced well you could have saved yourself from the embarrassment of the crushing defeat.

In the same way, you were not happy with your results in the final examination. Your tears were about to roll down your cheeks while telling us the result, but you did well to hold them up.

Had you put in more effort you could have scored better marks than what you have got now. Your efforts in preparation would have saved you embarrassment later on. Off-course things would be different if you are happy with the results you have got, then there is no issue with the amount of effort you have put in.

As with the grades in the exams or football match results, if you are happy with the result of your actions no matter how bad they may be and it does not prick your conscience, then you were absolutely fine with not putting less or no effort in your task.”

 

What You Expect Vs What You Deserve Vs What You Get?

You don’t get what you expect, you get what you deserve. And what you deserve is determined by how much work you have put in.

If you want to change the outcome of your actions you ought to change the input of your actions. That is to say; you got to put efforts commensurate with the results you want from your actions.

Weak effort would produce weak results and strong efforts would produce strong results.

When you taste the fruit of your success you’ll forget the pain you have gone through to reach there. 28 years spent in prison were worth their while for Nelson Mandela when he was able to pull his country out of the curse of apartheid. Without going through sacrifices, pain, and suffering he couldn't have achieved what he has achieved.

 

Preserve The Emotions- Channelise your negative emotions

When you feel bad for not achieving your goals, you are bound to feel bad about it. This will create a feeling of pain and embarrassment in you. I would suggest you preserve that feeling in you and whenever you shirk away from doing the hard work, imagine going through the same feeling once again. Remember how awful you felt the last time when you could not achieve your goal? Let that bad feeling propel you to make an effort in completing the goal you are trying to achieve. It could be studying, an office project, going to the gym, or a simple promise you have made to your family.

Human beings do everything either to Seek Pleasure or Avoid Pain. Sometimes when the pull of pleasure is not strong enough to motivate you to put in the effort then the avoidance of pain may work as a strong motivator to set things in motion. We all understand and have experienced that we tend to take actions to avoid pain than to seek pleasure.

We have been told to avoid negative emotions all our life. We have not been taught to harness and channelize the power of our negative emotions. It is similar to the raging and destructive river that has been channelized to provide electricity, potable and irrigation water.

In the same way, your emotions of embarrassment, shame, and pain can be channelized and harnessed to double down on your actions and achieve the life you want for yourself.

 

I was watching a video on public speaking skills a few days back. In that, the host said one of the best ways to feel confident about public speaking is to do a load of practice. He said "I hate practicing the speech. But I practice because I hate looking bad on stage more than practicing the speech.”

The next time when you think about procrastinating on some important task remind yourself how bad you will feel when you fail to accomplish your task. After all the pain of effort is tiny compared to the pain of embarrassment, and shame you may encounter later on.

Make your choice Pain of action Vs Shame of inaction, which one would you prefer?